i’m not sure how it happened but somewhere along the lines i lost myself for a while.  i didn’t see it coming or realize it was happening.  i didn’t want it to happen and truthfully always thought i was above losing myself in another person…or was it for another person?

either way, i was fortunate enough and blessed to WAKE UP.

waking up from being lost is kind of like waking up from that deep sleep when you jump out of bed and have so much energy but at the same time you’re not quite right because you’re still dazed and confused.  i’m working through that confusion now.  trying to piece together what is real and what is not.  trying to decipher fact from fiction and turning right around and realizing it doesn’t really matter what was real because it is all over.

i’m seeing some of the woman i left behind trying to be someone that was smarter, prettier, more what he might have wanted. now i’m going to need to get focused on being who i want to be.

who do i want to be? what do i want? most people know the answer to those questions when they’re a child. i just turned 31.  i’m still struggling with the answers.  but now rather than fearing them i am excited by them.

i am blessed…i have a beautiful life filled with beautiful people that i value and cherish…sometimes it is important to stop, acknowledge and pay homage to these things.

last night i had friends over to the diva’s den for game night…we played, scrabble slam, trivial pursuit and taboo…had drinks, ate some food, laughed, learned and just plain had a good old time…the crazy thing was many of the people that showed up didn’t know each other which might have made for an awkward event except that the people in my world are amazing…

we can be called selfish, shallow, materialistic, judgmental, snobbish “plastics” but at the end of the day if you come with good intentions and good energy than we will welcome you…even when people are having underlying issues with someone else in the group we do not bring it to the forefront and ask people to choose sides…we live, learn and let each other simply be…

i realized that this in itself is simply breathtaking…my friends are so different and bring so many different cultures, beliefs, values, styles and upbringings…this morning i had a discussion with one of the amazing women in my life and told her that i believe relative are people you’re born with a blood connection but your true family are the people you choose to have in your life…

i love my family…

til next time…besos babe!