so the diva went and did it.  she found herself a real job.  you know the type that you can’t wake up and call your boss and say “hey, i’ve decided to work from home today.  call my cell if you need me.”  the type where she is expected to be at her worksite 5 days a week, 8 hours a day & nobody cares what other projects might be perculating.  a grown up job with bosses that have not known the diva since before she hit puberty.  a job that has a steady paycheck, dental insurance, a retirement plan and a union.

i really like the job yet i received my first full paycheck this week and i felt like i really sold my soul away at some fire sale price.  okay, i think i need to rewind a lil.  you see the diva has been part of the american workfroce since she was probably about 14.  i’ve always brought home a paycheck and always had some sort (or 12) hustles on the side.  after this past summer program at ears & taking a hiatus from cashiering i decided the time had come for me to look into a position where i could find real stability and grow somewhat professionally instead of sticking with the autopilot that i’ve been coasting on the past few years.  i dusted off and updated the resume, logged into idealist.org and lined up some interviews.

can i tell you how much i HATE interviewing.  i wanted to walk into most of my interviews and say, “look, you’ve read the resume.  apparently something in it peaked your interest.  here is who i am.  here is what i can do.  what can you offer me?  when do i start?”  of course i didn’t.  i went into each of my interviews and answered the questions truthfully and completely, using the skills i have gained over the years as both a public speaker and an interviewer.  i left each interview knowing i left a mark.  then i had to decided where my next position along my life map would be.

i think i chose well.  i really like the people and the position.  i’m just having some anxiety over the fact that by jumping into yet another tax bracket i’m bringing home less than i expected.  now, you know the diva.  i live a blessed and busy life filled with beautiful things and i have set a standard that i am not willing to give up.  i have traded my freedom (went from working 2-3 days a week to 5 days, 8 hours a day) for financial security and now i’m wondering if i might have low-balled myself in the end.  is it really worth giving up my freedom for a few more dollars?  is it worth missing moments in the lives of those i love to know that when i retire i won’t have to have my yet-to-be-born children take care of me?

is it worth it to wake up everyday, no matter how i feel or what the weather is when i come from a world where you’re supposed to work smarter not harder?  how do i get over this notion that for once in my life i’m hustling backwards???

til next time…besos babe!