I believe all of those are a date. See the makes a date is not the “event” taking place, but the “intend” or purpose of it. If it just two friends who are cool with each other with no “special” interest in that person, then it’s basically just hanging out. However if the “intend” is because, they have a special interest in the other person, and the reason for the “event” is because of that special interest, then that makes it a date. So a date is based upon intend and not event ;o)

how about if it has no “interest” for one party and the other party has an “interest?” is it a date then?

In the mind of that person it may be unless the person who doesn’t have the interest, clearly states that it isn’t or uses one of those famous lines to clearly let the other person know it isn’t what they may think it is. If one person has interest, then in their perception it is a date since their “intend” makes it so.

I think personally that its all on the general feeling of the vibes between the 2 people in the situation. like, if one of the people are more into the formal settings, and its planned and arranged, then yeah its a date by all means. but if its a “comfort level” and its been established, then its not a date because sometimes you dont have to do the date thing to feel serious about somebody. if that comfort level is there, then you’ll be in effect skipping the date aspect of it because youre already establishing the know-how with that person in the midst of the scenarios mentioned, thus eliminating the dating thing of getting to know them while youre trying to stuff a fork full of food down your throat (as if anybody wants to talk when stomachs are growling and a $30 meal is involved, lol).

you have to have that comfort level, and sometimes it works to where people will begin a relationship without the date aspect of it. its all on how the 2 people see their ways, if its old fashioned or “MTV generation”

Ahhh, dating…In reference to your question, all of those things could be construed as a date. Like the fellas said, it’s all a matter of the intent and how people feel about each other. I like the idea of just hanging out with a person who you really care about, leaving all the pressures of “dating” and “dating etiquette” at the door. But that can get messy though, especially when things don’t get defined early on…but that’s another subject for another day.

Jam, you bring up the point which kinda sparked this blog. I hear where the boys are about intent. But for them I have this new question…can you end up “dating” somewhere without even knowing it? Say there’s a person who you enjoy spending time with (platonically). You get along great, share interests, etc. You personally just don’t have that feeling. Everyone knows the feeling I’m talking about. But just say that the other person does. Can you be dating without even realizing it?

Chuckie, more specifically to what you said…I think it is beautiful when you and the other person end up so at ease with each other, in each other’s space, intuned to the likes, dislikes and needs that you can do things that might be “dateish” but just feel normal. Does that mean though that you don’t count those times as dates?

Jam, back to your point. This was all sparked by S&TC (can’t help it I’m a huge fan). Like Carrie & Big, I realize that I rarely officially “date.” There are plenty of times I find myself in the midst of a “relationship” and realize we haven’t gone out on an official “first date.” I say “relationship” because as you brought up these are the times when things rarely get defined so there is really no saying if it can constitute a realtionship.

New question for the group…can a relationship happen without the dating phase? Not where you’ve been together and just don’t go out anymore but moreso where dating doesn’t exist for the two involved…no outings, home cooked meals, etc.

Excellent points Mel. I’d like to know specifically, what constitutes dating. Just to repeat the diva’s question…is it possible to date someone without even knowing it…And to get even deeper, what happens when the two individuals in question have strong feelings for each other, have acknowledged those feelings, are comfortable with each other, have been intimate, but they just never say the words…does that mean they aren’t dating or just too scared to own up to what’s happening.

Does it boil down to committment? Or more accurately, the fear of committment?

Date? Is that the prune like fruit we’re talking about? jameka…are we back to that C word that the “men” so blatantly avoided in your blog? What in hell are they scared of?

I haven’t had a date in so long, i’m afraid to comment on this blog lol. But in all honesty, I think the gesture that a mutual attraction seals the pact of it being a date. I went to the movies a few weeks ago with my best friend from high school..he paid for everyting, he came over and hung out at my place till 2 am, but thet attraction in that sense was not there… we didn’t call it a date..its was our “buddy night”. So i do think it falls back on that part to play – the level of attraction

Now if you’re going out with the “jerome from martin” look alike in mannerism, then you set the boundary…as my grandma says…walk wit yuh vex money. YOu sort of set the limit from early as to what the evening will be like, and you let the other party know that it’s not a date. Definition at this point must, must be a priority lol

My question to the guys…why is it that you have that “comfort level” with the woman you’re diggin’ but yet can’t commit? CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHY COMMITMENT IS A DISEASE WITH NO CURE ON PLANET MEN!!!!

as far as at ease, that happens naturally, but counting it as “dates” – iont know about going there with that, because sometimes its a skip-over process. you can eventually enter a relationship with somebody without technically dating them, because if the other things kick in and make a difference, then the dates thing doesnt count because you’ve basically defeated the purpose of it with the hanging out and being comfortable.

infact, the last few years, i’ve been involved with people and we never did the date thing, mainly because a majority of them arent outgoing, and i’m kinda a homebody at times, and it just became comfortable and therefore defeated the purpose, and when we finally did “date” it didnt feel right because it felt staged and fixed, lol.

so you can have a whole thing with somebody where ya hang out, ya watch TV, they come over for dinner, come over for a drink, even come over to fix something in the place, and although its not a date technically, its considered unofficial “dates” in the sense because youre still doing the things you would be doing on a date, but just in a different setting.

the C word – thats a whole new can of worms, i might have to address that in the message board because that could get crazy in here, lol

I’m interested to know why you Onika Pascal, seems to place that lack of commitment squarely in the men’s lap. In the realms of this topic, neither party has made an attempt to define what their doing, dating, relationship, nothing and this is both female or male. Women love to make it seem as if men don’t want to keep, but yet at something women are the ones who are dragging their feet to cross that bridge. I remember a once some time back, I was ready to “commit” to a women, but yet she needed more “time” when we had been dating for some many months already.

Men aren’t afraid to commit, more than likely, they are scare off by the fact that women are thinking they can’t commit before that even get the chance to see if they even want to commit to the women. I know myself, i’m not commiting till I know the women’s ins and outs completely, othewise, you end up committed and then out of no where she go crazy on you on some split personality tip. But afraid to commit, no.

Is anyone going to answer my question:

“And to get even deeper, what happens when the two individuals in question have strong feelings for each other, have acknowledged those feelings, are comfortable with each other, have been intimate, but they just never say the words…does that mean they aren’t dating or just too scared to own up to what’s happening. “

And Chuck, start the convo about the C word, and I’ll meet you over at the forum.

Verse …were you yellin gat me lol…felt like it. But you have answered my question…and the only reason I asked it that way was simply because its from my point of view from being shot down a few times. And well, most of the women I know want to commit but their “guy” still needs time…so i guess I wen toff of that as well. But in my case, commitment just wasn’t what my “guy” wanted…guess I’m a sucker for choosin the wrong dude. But you do make a very valid conclusion…that men tend to scare off when they think the women aren’t ready unless they feel comfortable enough. Women could give off the aura that they’re quite capable of doing fine on their own…BUT I’M A PUNK…lol, i need commitment to seal the deal.

Now back to the dating game…we all seem to agree that it depends on the level of attratction…..so looking at Jameka’s question, I’m guessing (again Verse its my point of view..lol…don’t yell at me again) that those things happen definitely because of a very strong attraction on both ends, another c word may be involved and that’s confusion. confused on what will happen after we’ve crossed that line. What we had before was so solid, that anyting over it may cause tension and taint it. I’m being easy on the real way I want to put it.
and as usual I’d love to get the guys’ view on why it is boundaries and barriers have been broken, but no word on solidifying that step.
*whispering to Jameka…yup I think they’re scared* but my question is why?

To answer ya question Jameka, I would say it’s just too scared to own up to what’s happening.

And Onika nahhh I wasn’t yelling at you P

@ Verse, yeah, I was afraid that may indeed be the case…denial is sometimes very comforting, nevertheless, it can also cause quite a bit of confusion…which always means someone is going to get hurt.