i’m at a crossroads.  i know i should say goodbye.  i’ve started forming the words.  yet, if i’m completely honest with myself then i’m not ready to let go.  i know i deserve more.  i deserve someone that loves me as much as i love him.  i deserve someone that will stop the world when i need a moment’s attention.

he’s not that person.  he loves me.  but he’s not in love with me.  he says i’m his most important person.  but i never seem to be a priority.  he can’t tell me honestly that he wants the same things that i want. i started the process (& yes, in my head it is a process) of ending things.  of finally putting me in front of he.

YET, there’s this part of me that wonders if i’m serious.  i’ve turned away from others in the past with no problem.  here one day, gone the next.  but he’s not them and they not he.  he’s the other part of me.  he’s the man i want my children to be half of.  he’s the person that even when i know i should hate him can easily make me smile.  he’s the only person that has ever made me feel both incomplete and complete at the same time.

how do i say goodbye to someone that i feel God made for me.  how do i say goodbye to someone i feel God made me for?

if i stayed i would be a fool.  if i knew i would be happy than i would be a fool filled with joy.  he can’t guarantee that i’ll be happy and i no longer can guarantee being a fool.

til next time…besos babe!