I got sucked into a discussion with my mother about my wedding. Mind you I’m not engaged or even seeing anyone seriously! Somehow we were talking and the conversation shifted to one of wedding planning. It seems that this is just one of many of these discussions for her. She shared with me that her, my father & even my godfather (who is the sanest of them all) have had discussions about how they will pay for the princess wedding the Diva is sure to desire.

Hmmm…see I’m not sure. I guess deep down I do want a fairytale wedding, especially after seeing the beautiful wedding Lisa Raye had. Shh, don’t tell anyone I cried! But when I thought about and planned my wedding with a past love we were going to do a private ceremony. I can say though the more I think about it (why am I thinking about it?) I do want the storybook wedding but more importantly I want the happily ever after marriage.

I do not believe that when I commit my love & life to a man under the eyes of God, family & friends that we can ever end in divorce. Maybe that’s why I haven’t taken the plunge of jumping the broom yet.

Which leads to another discussion I had a little while back with some of the Glitteratti. Is it okay for a woman to propose? In this modern society we live in does a taboo still exist about a woman asking a man to marry her?

It was an interesting split among some very independent women. Half said she would consider if this was the man that she could seriously see spending her life with while the other half said they would wait for the gentleman to ask them.

It was a very interesting dialogue. Brought up a lot of different views. Does it emasculate the man by being asked by his woman? Does it set a tone for the rest of the relationship? Is it fair that men always have to risk the rejection? Do you buy him a ring? Do you get down on one knee?

At the end I feel that I am secure enough in who I am and in my heart to ask a man to marry me. I also feel that a man that has been involved with me to the point where I am considering spending my life with him would know that I would always want him to be the “man” in our relationship (whatever that means) & that my doing the asking is just me making steps toward where I want us to be. Don’t know if I would give him a ring or get down on a knee though. I’m not that modernized yet.

So who knows…maybe in a year or two you’ll hear that the Diva got engaged & it’ll be because she took the iniative and asked somebody…

Til next time…besos baby

i should’ve put this is random thoughts b/c i’m not sure it makes any sense…i just think i’ve come a looong way…lol
Wow! I went out recently & saw myself 2 years ago…when I first started getting caught up in him…I saw me in my friend & didn’t know how to warn her or even offer a hand of support because I was drowning in the memories of yesterday…

I remember when I first started seeing him & would go out just to be around him…think that’s when I started learning all the hottest spots in the city…

I would go out almost everynight of the week…sometimes, nah bump that, most times by myself…I would put on my dancing shoes & be content with a few moments of attention…

I would call, email & text message just to feel connected…

It seems like so long ago that I worried about the numerous women he would be surrounded by…just part of the business sounded like nothing but BS but it is the reality…

It takes a strong woman to watch the man she cares for get seduced by other women & hope he doesn’t succumb to their feminine wiles…it also takes an honest man to let the woman know how he feels & what position she plays in his life…

On the night I was with my friend we ended up at what has been billed to possibly be the hottest party of the year yet I’m not sure any of us truly wanted to be there. We were all tired & hungry. It felt like the main reason we went was because my friend’s him was there…we went & stayed to our group only joining him & his group a few times…just like me & my crew would do when I was in that lifetime…

He was never out of eyesight & when he was I watched my friend search the crowd only relaxing when she could place him. Seriously felt like I was looking at me.

I wondered to myself that night & the times I’ve been around them since if this is a stage that women must go through…is this some type of passage that comes from getting into adult relationships? Does it have something to do with dare I say falling in love? How many other women have walked in these shoes?

I actually had a conversation informing my friend about my revelation but I’m not sure I was able to verbalize, just as I’m not sure my words have captured my meaning…This phase has nothing to do with jealousy…jealousy is a wasted emotion…this is something different…all I do know is that I’m passed the stage with him…I wonder if I’ll go through it with anyone else…or maybe its one of those things that you only have to master once before keeping the silent lessons for future use…maybe this is something to cover in my forthcoming book…new york men in mind…look for it in 2007…

Til then I’ll send my him a thank you for helping me grow up & I wish my friend & her him the best with getting through this phase because the next one is so much sweeter…

Til next time…besos baby