many people start each year with a list of resolutions.  i’ve had friends tell me they love the new year because it’s kind of like a reset button.  i always wonder why people have to wait for the new year to begin again.  i think that if you need a change in your life then you should be captain of your own ship and choose to start that change when you want.

now that is not to say that i don’t find a magic in celebrating the new year.  it is always exciting to imagine what the next 365 days will bring.  it’s kind of like when you celebrate your birthday.  you know that you have just closed a chapter in your life that will never be revisited.

i was kind of saddened when i heard so many people saying how this year was going to be all about them, or how they wouldn’t be helping others this year and would be putting themselves first.  i was saddened because i’ve been there before.  i was saddened because if everyone disregarded everyone else how would love ever be expressed.

i’m all for putting yourself first.  i once read a really good article on will & jada pinkett-smith where i believe it was jada that was quoted saying that the secret to why her marriage and family are successful is because she puts herself first, her marriage second and her family third.  she went on to explain it in the sense that it’s like when you’re on a plane.  the reason the emergency instructions say put on your air mask first is because if you don’t you can’t help anyone else.  she said that she has to make sure she is always at her best so she can bring her best to the table for her marriage and children.  the reason her marriage comes second is because it sets the foundation for her family.  if her marriage foundation isn’t developed and taken care of than how can it support the family.

i thought this statement was amazing.  i also found it completely unselfish and made in love.  it was never a matter of putting herself first because she thought her better or more important.  she simply wanted to be able to support her husband and family in the best way possible.  unfortunately, many of the “i’m putting myself first,” statements i heard coming into this year were not made from the same vantage point.

it is for that very reason that i am naming 2010 the year of love!!!

this is the year that i will look for love in everything.  i will give love to everything.  love is what makes life.  love is everywhere.  love is in the sun shining in the am.  love is in the stars blinking at night.  love is in the gentle snore that can be overheard when you roll over.  love is in the giggle of a child.  love is in the smell of food cooking.  love is EVERYWHERE and it is waiting to be discovered.  so i will be an adventurer this year.  i will discover what has never been lost but simply ignored.

WE have ignored love for too long and now so many of us don’t even know it when we see it.  i challenge you to see love this year.  when you see love, it brings you more love.  it is always there for you just waiting to be acknowledged.  acknowledge it now!!!

i spent christmas eve crossing boroughs.  i went to my mom’s to drop off her gifts and then took the 3 hour tour to my dad’s.  i got there expecting to see my niece, nephew, lil cousin and baby brother creating havoc and causing chaos.  instead my nephew was the only minor present to greet me.

everyone else was off doing their own things…my niece was spending the holiday with her dad, my cousin with his parents and my brother was out running the streets as only a teenager can…the house didn’t seem any different than a regular visit. there was nothing to mark the holiday.

i enjoyed watching my nephew open his gifts.  i told the family we were pretending christmas eve was christmas because i could not be with them on christmas.  he seemed to enjoy his new toys and couldn’t wait to use his toothbrush

after dinner, some gossiping with my stepmom, tv, lecturing the teen when he got home and catching up with the old man i headed on my journey home.  it’s when i got home that i sat down and realized how very blessed i am.

2009 was a difficult year.  i faced many challenges.  if my faith wasn’t so strong i’m not sure i would have made it through this year.  i have learned to cherish my loved ones in a way i used to take for granted.  i have also begun foreseeing a time when i might not have them and it scares me senseless.

i also realize that i am lonely.  i need to stand still for a moment and really think of what it is that i need to do to better myself to be the person that God wants me to be.  when i don’t have a clear path i rush through my existence hoping to catch up to what i’m supposed to be doing without ever really looking around to see if i’m going in circles.

i know that i am loved by many.  i know that i have a heart full of love to share.  i know that God is growing me to be the perfect me and is preparing me to find the man he has made to be my partner in life.

i have decided that 2010 will be the year when i meet him.  if he’s someone i already know then 2010 will be the year that we wake up and recognize each other as we’re supposed to be.  next christmas i will be preparing to spend the holiday in my home with my family and him in a bubble of love.

may your christmas be filled with joy, laughter and love because at the end of the day nothing else matters…